Survivor One World – what’s been called by many the most predictable, boring and dumbest season of Survivor yet – concluded Sunday night with more predictable, boring and dumb stuff.
And even though there’s really nothing to spoil to anyone who has watched any of this season, I’ll still write this recap in consecutive order in case some still wants to pretend there might have been some suspense in tonight’s Survivor 2012 finale.
At the start of the three-hour finale (two hours were pre-taped on the island and the third hour was the live crowning and reunion), we get the big flashback scenes. It was nice to be reminded that only two things happened all season: Colton was a bully and Kim steamrolled all the way to the end.
And like any competition show at this point, we get the who is aligned with whom and who is going home. And all the flip-flopping and all the pointless talk. Is Kim taking Christina and Alicia or is Kim taking Chelsea and Sabrina? Those were apparently the only two possible options. Which says even more about this season.
At the first immunity challenge, for a split second it looks like Christina might win. Then maybe Chelsea. And that’s a good thing because for at list 30 seconds or so, Kim plans to send Chelsea home that night because she thinks the guys would vote for her to win the $1 million. But like always, Kim wins. So we can all go back to sleep until the next challenge.
We get more of the OMG who are we voting for!? Me? you? Who!?!?!? talk and I want to eat poison. Is Kim keeping Chelsea or Alicia!?!?!?!?!?
At the first Tribal Council of the night, everyone is secure that they’re safe because Kim is actually playing them that well (or are they just stupid?). So it’s Alicia is gets a bit of a blindside and is sent to jury.
The next day the best thing that happens is that Christina “admits” that her strategy the whole time was to play the helpless, mindless, spineless hack. Oh really? Well then, well-played. But whatever. Who is really buying that. You have to kick in the actual game-play at sometime and she never does. Not even in a few minutes when she really should.
So Kim wins the next immunity challenge. Yeah, I know, I didn’t explain it. At this point is there any need? Kim wins again and she’s going to the final tribal council. I could pretend there was some suspense but there wasn’t.
OK, back to Christina and how she should have finally started playing the game. She asks Kim if she’s going home tonight because she doesn’t want any surprises. Kim says yes. And Christina says “OK.” and that’s that. No deals. No fighting. Nothing. She takes it and goes off to chase butterflies, I imagine.
At Tribal Council Jeff asks who is going home and Christina says it’s her. Jeff politely tells her she’s stupid for not fighting for it and she offers an explanation that explains nothing and they vote her out.
So the Survivor One World final three are Kim, Sabrina and Chelsea.
At the following Tribal Council, the complete jury returns and they have complete power in deciding who is going to win Survivor One World. Each of the final three get to make their opening statements.
Chelsea tries to grab a vote from Jonas and Tarzan by flattering them, but other than that I’m pretty sure she kind of just said “oh, just vote for Kim.” I might be wrong, but I sure didn’t hear her pleading much of her own case. Of course there was clearly some major editing, but I doubt she said that much more.
Kim says that she loves Survivor and that she’s proud of herself and that she hopes everyone forgives her for blindsiding them. She’s so confident she doesn’t even need to beg.
Sabrina delivers the best speech. She’s clearly the most well-spoken and even throws in the fact that she was laid off from her job before heading off to film Survivor. Good move. Maybe she will snatch this game away from Kim yet. (Yeah right).
The jury members get to ask their questions next. Everyone asks the typical canned questions. Kat makes it all about her, as does Alicia. Did you know that Kat and Kim played the EXACT same game? Hahahahaahhahahahahahahaha.
The jury votes. So who won Survivor 2012? We’ll have to cut to the live results show in New York City to find out. Jeff starts revealing the votes and it goes like this: One vote for Kim. One vote for Sabrina. Two votes for Kim. Two votes for Sabrina. Three, four, five votes for Kim. NO votes for Chelsea. Kim wins Survivor One World.
And we can all roll our eyes and say “Really!? Shocker!”
We move on to the Survivor One World live finale, and since he loves bullying, I’ll start with some good old-fashioned Colton bullying. He’s so chubby now! He was starting to look pretty good before his deadly constipation got him flown off the island on a stretcher. I did feel sorry for his poor mother. And I’m pretty sure no one is going to feel any less hate for Colton because his “I’m sorry” was pretty much the worst one I’ve ever heard/seen.
Not much else came out of the reunion, except that Kim won the Player of the Season prize of $100,000, which was voted on by the fans. So that means she won $1,100,000. Oh and I think Mike said “In all fairity.” So that’s worth making fun of.
So that’s the end of this season. Thank goodness. See you next season in the Philippines. Everyone cross your fingers Colton isn’t one of the lucky ones to return next season.
